some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
