I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
