Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
