During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you will always have a special place in my vag
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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