i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
