I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got inside last night via doggy door
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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