I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
