i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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