If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
