So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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