i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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