Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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