ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
