Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
