I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
