And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
