it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
