she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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