at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
