I just pynch a tree in the face
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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