just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I bet he comes in French.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
