She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need water and some morals
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize