i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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