I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
