I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
