There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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