just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
