Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
