Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
