I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
