I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
