Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
