I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
