i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
