I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
