a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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