I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
