i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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