these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
