i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
