very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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