The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize