I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
