Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
