At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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