i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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