3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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