I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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