I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
