we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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