Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
