Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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