I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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