I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
