no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I still have a little drunk in my system
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
