Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if you like me you must not know who I am
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
