Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
