Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
