We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
