i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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