I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
