the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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