you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
