My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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