Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
