the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
