I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
