apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
