Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
