i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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