i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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