two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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