You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My liver is preforming stress tests.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
