Kiss
Puke
People in love make me want to vomit
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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