I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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