I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
