You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
false alarm, still single
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