Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
