I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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