fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
