Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
