what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
